paglisan

bakit ba ang tagal pa ng june 30? gustong-gusto ko ng umalis. nakakuha na ako ang visa sa Canada bilang turista. ikakasal ang aking pinsan at ako ay magiging abay. 2 linggo ako sa canada. 9 na araw sa toronto at mississauga kapiling ang aking mga kamag-anak habang ang nalalabing araw ay gagamitin namin para mamasyal sa vancouver. tour ba. mag-isa akong uuwi dahil mananatili pa ang aking mga magulang sa vancouver para sa isang tour all over. pagkatapos nun ay lilipad sila at magbabakasyon pa sa Amerika! naiinggit ako.

pero ok lang yun. kelangan ko lang talaga lumayo. ng panahon mag-isip tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. masyado ng napupuno ang utak ko ng kung anu-anong mga isipin. hindi ko naman araw-araw nakakasama ang matalik kong kaibigan kaya't hindi ko mailabas ang lahat ng aking nararamdaman. pahapyaw kung aking ilabas kaya't nahihirapan ako paminsan.



isa sa mga taong nakakakilala sa aking mabuti ang uuwi mula sa amerika upang magbakasyon pagkatapos ng isang taong paninirahan doon. naiinggit ako sa kanya. gusto ko ng umalis at tumira sa malayong lugar. kelangan ko lang lumayo. period.

haay. kelangan ko ng change of scenery. yung tahimik. yung walang maingay. i really can't wait. i have to go. i have to. at sana lang pag malayo na ako, maging malinaw na lahat. matutuhan ang dapat matutuhan. kalimutan ang mga dapat kalimutan! waaah! gusto ko na umalis!!!

an update

i can't believe how fast time flew by. sportsfest is now officially over, culminating at the Soluziona outing this weekend. now, we're left with a lot of time on our hands. i haven't updated much but recent turn of events have inspired me to do so. my blog has been discovered by my friends and the topic of creative writing has sprung up during one such pop conversation. and so because of a certain plan to name a blog Memoirs of a [insert name of friend rhyming with GEISHA] , i was inspired to write an update.

i really don't have a specific topic in mind. but with a lot of free time on our hands, i'm left to wonder what i'm going to do with it. if only i had someone special, i probably would spend a lot of my free time with him. i don't have anything against the company of my friends, it's just that i feel it would be more fun to have that special someone you can invite to movies or to go shopping or just simply to talk with.

i wonder, is my lack of lovelife my fault too? people think i'm agressive or pa-cute especially in the presence of my crushes. hahaha! i'm only like that when its nothing serious or i know that nothing can ever come out of it. but when it comes to those i've had serious feelings for, i become torpe. if people would take notice, they'd figure out who i really like coz it is only with that person i act differently! i have always been like that.

the topic of friends becoming lovers have come up one too many times in different bonding conversations: may it be through pop, tambay, coffee, dinner. and i've noticed that a lot of my friends prefer going through being friends first before moving on to the next level. one thing that always comes up in the course of the conversation is the word risk. how can one go to the next level when there are risks involved? personally speaking, i've liked a lot of friends but never had the guts to admit how i felt. now it left me wondering about the what-ifs although its too late for regrets. i've been witness to how friendships have blossomed into relationships and how sweet and kilig it is. but i've also seen how friendships have become awkward after admitting one's feelings.

with that in mind, how will i ever get a lovelife? ako pa naman yung tipo na bihira lang magkagusto ng seryosohan pero pag tinamaan, taon ang binibilang! i have a lot of crushes, and my friends can attest to that but the really serious ones, rarely...

having feelings for someone is so hard especially if you don't know where you stand. i have a very good gut feel, i was never wrong when it comes to guessing who likes whom (promise those i've guessed a few years back admitted that they did feel that way back then). but when it comes to me parang iba. i cannot second-guess whether he likes me back or i'm just being, in trick's terms, a feelingera! there are instances kasi that i'd feel special, making me wonder if the guy really has feelings for me.

i'm really confused. a part of me wants to be honest with the way i feel. my friends keep on telling me to learn from past mistakes. but am i ready? i really don't know...