=(

i haven't really returned to this site in a long time. but i keep coming back when i need to. now's the perfect time to do that.

i never thought it possible for me to like someone unexpectedly. he came at a time i never really thought was significant but in a matter of a few months he became the most important part of my life.

i put my heart on my sleeve but it wasn't enough. it's funny really, he isn't what people would expect that i'd go for, but at that time, i was willing to let go of everything i listed as my top 3 because he was the sweetest and nicest thing that ever happened to me. he reminded me a lot of my dad and that really got to me.

3 months of happiness for 2010. not bad really. it's painful though for me now, coz i got attached and for the first time in my life, was honest. i told him how i felt and what did i get? that he wasn't feeling the same way. can someone just explain to me what happened between us? what's with all the texting, emailing, ym-ing? i never opened up to someone the same way i did to him. i thought things were going nicely, i was wrong.

i don't know what happened but somewhere along the way i knew that my craziness could have severed, for the lack of a better term, it. or, possibly i was just an assuming little girl. i guess that's over now. i would never really know his reasons for doing the things he did and i for one ain't asking him about it. i'll surely miss his constant presence in my life but just like what someone dear to me pointed out, it's better you both decided to not go through with something not meant to be than force it to happen then get hurt later on.

i've apologized for making his life crazy and for everything i did to him a lot of times today and i guess that's all i can do. if only i can take back time, i would. i'd rather not have met him and not hurt him than know him and get hurt in the process.

wow, this is really the real world, huh? i guess at some point i know i have to grow up and experience these things. thank you for showing me my best and worst sides. if only i can tell you how much you've inspired me to be better and less bratty but that is something i won't tell you anymore lest you call me a drama queen yet again. it's too bad that you witnessed how crazy i can really get.

well, all i need is a week and then i can safely say i'll be better. my heart will heal coz it healed from much bigger pain. besides, christmas is just around the corner, who could stay sad during that season?